Pop Vultures

So far as I can tell, there are three reasons people watch Prison Break:

1. They enjoy the thoroughly implausible predicaments and the MacGyver-esque strategies Michael Scofield must employ to break out of prison/escape insane FBI agents/keep his head freshly shaved with nary a razor in sight/break out of prison again.

2. They appreciate the serialized format and the character relationships that have been built up over the last two seasons.

3. They like to watch Wentworth Miller looking pretty as he gazes off into the middle distance.

Considering that television is full of shows that better explore interpersonal relationships, it would seem that reason #2 is the weakest. And, for those that fall into the first or third category, season three should be brilliant. Michael is back in prison under a flimsy pretext and gazing at all he surveys with his trademark detachment, busily plotting his next big escape. So why are the ratings falling at a rate that is causing FOX executives to consider sacrificing personal assistants at an altar of Dancing With The Stars?

Season 3 thoughts and spoilers after the jump.

The general consensus is that it all comes down to a head in a box. After two seasons of Michael and Dr. Sara doing the romantic tango amidst escapist high jinks, the story line was abruptly cut off when Linc received a very special package that made Justin Timberlake’s gift in a box seem downright tasteful. Without any warning or explanation, the character was removed, and viewers who were invested in the storyline considered it a big old middle finger from Fox to the fans. After all, even Haywire was allowed a big death scene. Abruzzi got to be riddled with bullets! Sarah gets…a split-second shot of a head? Now, I never cared one way or the other about Michael and Sara and will they ever find happiness, please please, but neither am I crazy about the way the producers are treating their audience. They built up the relationship to disguise some of the weaknesses of season 2, and now they don’t seem to understand why we’re holding them accountable.

Season 1 was all about the escape, and the plot revolved around the interior of the prison. It was a tightly focused story and the characters’ personalities emerged as a natural offshoot of the plot-intensive episodes. In season 2, after the escape, the show fractured, attempting to follow too many different stories. As a result, the focus shifted somewhat from intense action to character development. In season 1, they just wanted to escape; in season 2, we saw what they wanted and dreamed of once they were free, and Michael wanted Sara.

Now, the producers want us to forget all the time and effort they spent building up that relationship and be happy they got back to what made the show so fun in the first place, the ridiculous escape plots. Unfortunately, fans have longer memories than networks give them credit for, and ’shippers never forget. You don’t get to simply call a do-over. You want to transition from doomed romance to non-stop serialized action/adventure? Fine. But ease back into it. Don’t just cut off its head.

While you’re at it, look up ‘non-stop’ in a dictionary. We’d have less time to complain about Sara’s head if you gave us more to write about.