Pop Vultures

I can’t remember the last time a movie trailer has taken me on a journey of indecision quite the way the Southland Tales one has.

The trailer begins with hand-held camcorder shots of happy Americana, which can only mean that the film intends to explore the dark underbelly of the American dream. Yawn. -3

Ooooh, mushroom cloud! +1

From the creator of Donnie Darko! Woot! +4

But does that mean he directed this one? I know your tricky ways, Hollywood marketing machine. -2

They’re using music by Pixies. Awesome music by the Pixies, too. +2

Is that The Rock? And Seann William Scott? Seriously? -3

Except I secretly like The Rock and Seann William Scott. +2

It’s Buffy! Aw, I miss Buffy. +1

Although, much as I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I’m not convinced Sarah Michelle Gellar is a very good actress when she’s playing other roles. -1

Film is the story of a dystopian society in Los Angeles. Point for realism. +1

Cold-hearted bitch wearing a wicked collar that Maleficent would envy. +1

Jon Lovitz. Yes, he can be funny, but rarely does his presence indicate a high-quality film. -2

Bai Ling? Fucking Bai Ling? -3

“I’m a pimp, and pimps don’t commit suicide.” [wink] Okay, I’ll give you that one. +1

He’s Dwayne Johnson now? Not The Rock? But is there a goofier name than Dwayne in the whole world? -1

Synchronized movements. And dance sequences! +1

At last, directed by Richard Kelly. All right, trailer, you got me. +2

Final tally: +3. It looks like I’ll be seeing this one, though I’m reserving the right to say, “I thought it might suck” at a later date.

What do you think? Are you able to come down with a bit more conviction on the yay or nay side?