Pop Vultures

Here at Pop Vultures, we haven’t really done recaps. It’s a huge project for a small group of people (most of whom are me and the voices inside my head), and there are already several sites that do a great job of recapping basically every show on television. We also haven’t done reality TV. I certainly watch my fair share, but since I like to humor myself by believing that my strength lies in analyzing the writing and structure of serial drama rather than mocking stupid fame-whores, I haven’t felt inclined to write about it. Until now.

Because, now, Project Runway is back on the air, and at least once a week I must give up any pretense of thoughtful analysis. Instead, I choose to slaver devotedly at Tim Gunn’s feet, to praise the creativity that allows designers to make couture out of their grandma’s afghan, and to freely mock those who seem to believe their natural talent allows them to make a string bikini out of a garden hose and call it high fashion. In short, I fucking love Project Runway.

It’s not like I’m a slave to fashion. In fact, for the most part, my version of “fashion” means following a basic personal hygiene routine and wearing something only 10% covered in cat hair. But this show makes me forget all that for an hour. I love that we get to witness the creative process, to see how fabric is, in the right hands, turned into wearable art. I love seeing the difference between a good designer, who knows how to build an outfit around a body, and a bad one, whose arrogance often suggests that the damn body should find a way to better accommodate the design. And, because it bears saying one more time, I love Tim Gunn. He should be cloned so that miniature Tim Gunns can hide in all our closets to dispense emergency fashion advice.

And, last Wednesday, we got Tim Gunn back, in the company of fifteen designers of varying degrees of talent and sanity. Oh, good times. Nothing really happened; we got to meet the designers and one got kicked off. Now this is my kind of recap.

The challenge was surprisingly straight-forward for Project Runway: race like mad to the tent, while kicking, tripping or eye-gouging your competition in order to get your preferred fabric. Then, make an outfit. That’s it.

And the winner, Round 1:

At this point, Rami seems confident, humble, and altogether likeable. Plus, his Ode to a Grecian Urn dress managed to be simultaneously subtle and striking. So far, he gets a thumbs up. I feel like I should find some quick, pithy phrase to describe him, but mostly he was just quietly there. I almost want to root for him to turn into a bitch so I have something to write about. Almost. I have a feeling Christian will do the job just fine.

The less-winning:

Simone seemed lovely and modest and all sorts of nice things. Still, you may not want to get too attached (spoiler!).

Chris may be one to watch, if only because he has already made a dress from salad ingredients, putting him a step ahead of his competition. His dress was entirely presentable, despite the gigantic bow at the back that made his model appear to be a Christmas present. I suspect he will do better in competitions that do not involve running for fabric. (He was shown casually strolling! That was not an anti-fat remark! Please don’t email me.)

And then there’s Christian. I’m sure I could have found a more flattering screencap, but he didn’t seem worth the effort. It’s not his fashion, either. Though I hate the…boa? fake fur?…used as trim, the cut of the jacket is gorgeous. He, on the other hand, may be the self-appointed catty bitch of the season. He got a point for his dry assessment that there were some “hand-sewn messes up in here,” but since he was already in the negatives for name-dropping Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen when discussing his education in London, he’s got a ways to go. He’s got time, though. I suspect we’ll see him in the top 6.

Carmen may be this season’s entry in most deluded. In her introduction, she proudly discusses her modeling background and insists, “If you haven’t modeled, you don’t know the first thing.” Even if we are kind enough to insert an “about fashion” at the end of that sentence, she may need to revisit her fashion history in order to learn how many major designers got their start on the catwalk. Plus, I honestly can’t tell if her outfit is stylish and original or a hot mess, which means it’s probably the latter. I’m reserving judgment on this one.

With great difficulty, I am going to overlook the shorts jumpsuit she wore in the first episode and focus instead on her confidence. When she insisted in her first interview that “I am…not…going…home?”, I pegged her for an early elimination. She doesn’t seem quite certain what she’s doing there, and the first time she’s asked to work in a group or design something outside her comfort zone, I see problems.

Elisa is this season’s resident nutjob, which means the producers will likely keep her around as long as they can possibly justify it. Fabric whores cried impotent tears as they watched her grind silk chiffon into the grass in order to “imbue” it with “natural elements.” Her first design featured a train so crazy the model considered doing cartwheels and handstands down the runway in order to avoid walking on it. And yet…there is some talent and inspiration behind her madness. I definitely want to see what she makes next, which is more than I can say for the rest.

This is Kevin. He’s straight. We know this because he made sure to tell us. And that’s about all we know, except that his first dress looks a little too much like the one he would make in the “aluminum foil and netting” challenge, not the one where he has access to three tents full of fabric.

Jack is the hot one. I’m sure he’s perfectly lovely, but he’s the only Project Runway contestant who’s ever been given a slow pan of his magnificent abs. And, so long as they keep providing those slow pans, he’s welcome to stay on the show as long as he wants. On a less shallow note, I like his use of fabrics and would actually choose to wear this dress, though perhaps without the aquamarine tail.

Marion even seems to bore himself. Apparently, he bored the producers as well, since this was the only interview we saw. His dress was…well, it was there, wasn’t it? I wouldn’t recommend getting too attached to him, though I don’t think that will be a problem. I would guess most people have already forgotten he was in the episode at all.

Victorya appears to be intelligent, talented, and thoughtful, though none of that explains why her otherwise lovely LBD has a gigantic metallic flower that Carrie Bradshaw would reject for being too dated. So far, she appears to be Chloe v.2, right down to her “child of immigrants” story, so watch for her to differentiate herself or disappear.

Steven is the classy one. Perhaps the goofy one, too, as the photo above suggests. His designs are sure to be tasteful and well-tailored and quite possibly dull. He, however, seems quietly subversive, so I hope he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve. Nice suits are all well and good, but I’d hang out in the women’s wear section of Macy’s if that’s what I wanted to see.

I have an issue with anyone whose name requires punctuation marks, so Kit “Pistol” started off on my bad side. At first I liked her dress, but the more I looked at it, the more I found myself tilting my head in an attempt to bring it into balance. If she continues to offend my sense of symmetry, I’ll be forced to pretend she doesn’t exist. My OCD just won’t allow such it.

When Ricky fought back tears to declare, “It’s not just a game. It’s my life,” he cemented his position as most likely to break down, Andrae-style, by episode 3. His dress was far more boring than something that can fairly be described as “sci-fi lingerie” has any right to be, so he better step it up if he doesn’t want his life the game to be over.

Another nickname? Oh, reality shows, have mercy on me. Sweet P did little to offend besides having such a ridiculous name, earned from being a member of a woman’s motorcycle club (which, really, shouldn’t her name be considerably more badass if those are its origins?). Her dress was instantly forgettable, and anything that makes a stick-thin model look like she just ate one too many Thanksgiving turkeys better not be the next generation of fashion.

And the loser? Sweet, gentle Simone. Her simple, poorly constructed dress didn’t stand a chance. She graciously accepted Heidi’s kiss-auf and wandered into the sunset, swearing she’ll show at Bryant Park someday. Yeah, sweetie. That’s what they all say. Good luck with that.

Finally, did anyone notice an excess of make it works? I suspect Tim Gunn’s new contract stipulates that he must say it in every scene. Final tally this episode: 4.

What did you think? Did you agree with the judge’s decision? Have you already picked out your favorites (or least-favorites)?

Also, if you’ll excuse some shameless begging for praise, let me know if you liked this recap and would want to see more throughout the season. I’m still deciding if I want to recap the show every week and feedback will help with that decision.