Project Runway Makes a Giant Disaster

Mon, Dec 3, 2007 Posted by Marcia

Project Runway: “Fashion Giant” S04, E03

Previously on Project Runway: Marion made a dress fit for a Disney Native American princess and was dismissed.

This episode kicks off on a sombre note, with a shirtless Jack perched on his bed surrounded by a staggering array of prescription bottles. Somehow, I think we’re about to find out the long-rumored Jack “secret” that may or may not get him kicked off the show. Cut to interview, where Jack is telling us that a) Project Runway is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and b) he has been HIV-positive for 17 years and is healthier than he’s ever been. And…that’s it. No cuts to interviews with other contestants expressing their support or their discomfort. With any luck, this will be the last we hear of it, because I am not looking forward to “A Very Special Project Runway” in which we all learn a little bit about our prejudices. Bring on the crazy outfits instead, bitches.

In the men’s apartment, the guys are saying how weird it is with Marion gone and tease Christian that they wouldn’t even be noticing his absence. In an interview, Christian says he feels less confident now that he’s been in the bottom two. Somehow, I suspect his hubris has merely taken a bruising, rather than sustained lasting damage. “I just know that I make clothes so much better that a lot of the other designers,” he finishes. Yep, that humility lasted at least two seconds. He’s a changed man!

On the runway, Heidi tells them that they don’t get their models this round and they will find Tim Gunn waiting at 10 Rockefeller Plaza with their next assignment. There, they meet Tiki Barber. Unlike the near Beatlemania that greeted the appearance of Sarah Jessica Parker, Tiki gets expressions of confusion and uncertainty. Leave it to Kevin to explain to us that Tiki is a famous running back for the New York Giants. Cause Kevin’s straight, you know. The designers who don’t know who he is still think he’s gorgeous, and they aren’t wrong.

The challenge is to create an outfit for Tiki to wear in his role as correspondent on The Today Show. At the word “menswear,” several of the designers look like they want to curl up into the fetal position. Based on some of the designs seen later, that should have been a valid option. Tiki sets a few ground rules: he has a big neck, skinny waist and a big butt, and he likes dark colors and texture. He also has a very silly name that’s fun to say three times fast, but that should not affect the designs.

Designers enter the studio, with Jack carrying Christian in a shopping sack. Now, if only there was a dumpster nearby in which to deposit it. Instead, all the designers get busy sketching. It becomes apparent in the first two minutes that several people are in completely over their heads. This should be fun.

Jack takes off his shorts, and not simply for a gratuitous shot of his fine form. Instead, he uses them to create a pattern for the pants, which he shares with some of the others. Despite this being well within the rules (and Tim approved) Rami has a few catty things to say about that shortcut. Oh, Rami. Jealousy does not look good on you.

It’s the next day, and the panic and fear are nearly tangible. The only ones who appear even somewhat calm are Chris, Jack, Kevin, Rami and Christian, the last because he is, admittedly, a crazy fast sewer. Jillian also appears fairly calm, but I suspect that is because her facial expression has not changed since episode 1.

The models appear, to the joy and general horniness of the designers, who seem to enjoy having an excuse to ask extremely fit men to take off their clothes. Bravo, fully aware that 95% of Project Runway’s audience is women and gay men, provides several gratuitous shots that it never bothers to include with the female models. How gratuitous?

The only two whose libidos remain in check seem to be Kevin, because, as he reminds us, he’s straight (in case we’d forgotten in the last 15 minutes), and Elisa, who turns away while her model changes because her boyfriend is the only male she chooses to touch. Come on, we can’t have an entire episode without at least one Elisa-is-eccentric moment. While she is fitting her fully clothed model, he explains that he wants to study ethnobotony, doing his best, with one sentence, to ruin a perfectly good “pretty men are dumb” stereotype. I’d say that I need to spend more time hanging around universities’ ethnobotony departments, except her model is approximately 12, and I already feel a bit dirty just looking at him.

Once the models leave, chaos and despair reign again. Tim enters with Ginny Barber, Tiki’s beautiful wife, who happens to be Asian. Christian earns points for his cultural sensitivity when he points out that he loves Asians because “Asians are fierce.” Mmm hmm. She has a deep smoky voice and is so low-key that she may actually be sleep-walking, but she is generally supportive of the designers’ work.

The day ends with Steven likening the general mood to that of those on the Titanic. As it was sinking, of course. Not during the Kate Winslet nude scene, which would have been far cheerier.

Day of the runway, and this time Jack gives Christian a piggyback ride to the studio. I’m rather hoping that Transportation by Jack becomes a regular feature of this show. Next: horsey rides! The designs are equally amusing in a truly hideous way. Ricky is far behind and has his model sewing buttons. Sweet P’s shirt is so deconstructed that Derrida would have questioned her meaning. And Carmen…well, let’s just go to the pictures.

Do you see the problem here? That pashmina wrapped around the model’s neck? It’s not actually a scarf. It’s a piece of fabric because Carmen did not have time to finish a shirt. I do believe this is a Project Runway first. And although you can’t see the pants in this picture, trust me when I tell you that the crotch was halfway to the poor model’s knees. John Holmes would have found these pants a bit baggy. In short, it was a disaster.

Jillian’s design is, as usual, there. Seriously, I still have no idea who this woman is, in terms of either personality or design sense.

“In all honesty, it was the most interesting,” Christian says of his design. Oh, Christian, how selfless of you to be honest at all times. I’m sure it was the monochrome pants and shirt that made it truly stand out. Really, when the model took off the jacket, it was the design version of oatmeal.

Kit’s looks fine, I suppose. The fact that she made the jacket out of blue fleece is unusual, but considering that she had to tell me it was blue fleece, her deviation from a standard sport coat was perhaps not as pronounced as she intended. There is nothing to really dislike here and, if you like the preppy look, plenty to like. Just not for me.

Rami’s outfit reminds me of the sort of thing I’d see on pretty boys in Italy, not on a former football star on The Today Show. It’s well-tailored, but not especially interesting.

This stands in sharp contrast to Sweet Ps outfit, which is extremely interesting because of the hideous tailoring. The shirt is a wonder of fugliness and the tie belongs on a giant. However, the pants are nice and fit well, providing this outfit with at least one redeeming feature.

Steven’s outfit is very nice – love the green – but doesn’t really stand out. In fact, the only thing that punches it up is the kicky ascot at the neck and, somehow. I don’t see Tiki as an ascot man. It would only accent his big neck, you know.

Victorya, without the option to make an LBD, made…black pants and a top. The white Miami Vice jacket adds a touch of brightness, but I’m not convinced. I know Victorya has a lot of fans, and I like her personality, but her clothes still leave me wanting.

Tuck in your shirt! Tuck it in! Kevin, how can you convince anyone that you’ve designed a smart, well-tailored outfit if your model looks like a bored schoolboy? I think the outfit was actually quite nice, but I was too busy turning into my mother to really notice.

I’m not quite sure what Chris was thinking here. It looks like he’s trying to start a nightclub lounge-wear line. The fact that he finished all three pieces means he’s safe, but I’m not particularly impressed.

Jack’s fit extremely well, although anyone with a phobia of stripes should avoid this one at all costs (the photo does not properly show the stripe-apalooza on both the shirt and pants). Still, it was smart and visually striking, which is more than the others can claim.

Ricky did a suit, and not even well enough to get noticed. Having visible safety pins on the garment certainly did not help. Poor tailoring + poor construction = very unhappy judges.

Elisa created a perfectly acceptable outfit and then added a hippy vest on top of it. This season has made me acknowledge an aversion to vests I never knew I possessed. Still, they really are pointless, aren’t they? If you’re cold, wear a damn sweater. If you want texture, wear a striped shirt. Down with vests! Even so, she has completed three pieces, so she’s safe.

Kit, Kevin and Jack are in the top three and, to no one’s surprise, Ricky, Carmen and Sweet P are in the bottom. After the judges’ chat, Jack is announced the winner and Ricky and Carmen find themselves at Heidi’s mercy. It’s Carmen who gets the kiss-auf this time around, and despite Ricky and Sweet P’s hot messes, I can’t say it wasn’t earned.