Pop Vultures

Project Runway, S04 E07: What a Girl Wants

Last week on Project Runway: the designers were able to resist the free candy long enough to make outfits from Hershey’s swag, but Elisa’s chocolate dress with tinfoil elbow warmers wasn’t sweet enough. This week: the designers get new models – and clients – when they are asked to design prom dresses for 17-year-old girls. Keep reading for all the prommy goodness — with bonus humiliating photos from the designers’ pasts!

Is the sky red? Is ice hot? Something has certainly gone awry in the world, because this episode does NOT start with the obligatory “Oh, how we miss [blank].” scene. Instead, we get a shot of the gentlemen’s apartment, including Rami in a towel, which is not a bad thing at all. Someone’s got to carry Jack’s beefcake torch, after all. Rami is currently feeling confident, as he probably should.

Ah, there it is. The world rights itself when Victorya interviews that, “crazily enough,” she misses Elisa. Aw, it’s not that crazy. I miss the nutjob a bit, myself.

On the runway, Heidi brings out their models – a line of teenage girls that, when standing behind the screen, Kevin mistakes for Oompa Loompas. Hee. I’m going to start referring to all my students that way and see how it goes. The designers immediately crack up, though their laughter is clearly tinged with hysteria. Heidi explains that they will be making prom dresses. Christian, of course, thinks prom is “horrible and tacky and gross” and refuses to get excited about a challenge in which he does not get to create his version of high fashion for a stick-thin model.

Thankfully, the girls chose the designers already, so we’re not forced to endure a painful selection process in which one girl stands alone on the runway, waiting to be chosen while having painful flashbacks to seventh-grade dodgeball games. Chris is trying to figure out why any poor girl would have chosen him, based on the pictures in his portfolio:

Hey, this would make an awesome prom dress. No one else is doing viking-chic these days.

In the workroom, Tim brings in the girls while reminding the designers that they must not let their clients overpower their own design sensibilities. This is probably a good idea, since the girls ask for low-cut tops, low-cut backs, lots and lots of lace, ivory and, in one case, a dress that lets her butt stick out. Yeah, prom is not so much a time of innocent fun these days, is it? Kevin, remembering his own prom experience in Jersey, promises to put a chastity belt inside his dress. He also recalls prom as a time of booze, parties and fake tans and even provides photographic evidence:

Christian gets a girl who considers herself a designer and it seems that Christian is just going to get in the way of her desire for a a pleated, lacy, beaded wonderland. She actually takes the pencil out of his hand and starts sketching. I’d feel bad for him getting stuck with such a difficult client, except it’s Christian, so gleeful might be a more accurate description of my emotional state. Sometimes, schadenfreude is your friend!

After choosing fabrics at Mood, the designers get to work. Christian claims that he was voted best-dressed at his prom. Based on the photo provided, I am dubious:

As he gets to work, he announces, “This is the most important day of my life!” before actually smiling the smile of one who knows he’s taking the piss. I think it may be the first genuine smile we’ve ever seen from him, and for a second, just a second, I’m pretty sure that he’s aware of the whole ridiculous persona he’s created. Then he goes back to acting like the delusional fool we all know and know.

The designers have hit my favorite point in the season, when they know each other well enough to crack jokes and sleep-deprived and stressed out enough to be downright loopy. “We’re making pretty dresses!” sings Chris, while Jillian wonders if her hair is bigger today. The general consensus is that she’s looking pretty Tina Turner (though nowhere near so cool as Tina. Tina rocks, yo). Kit offers to be the prom king if Christian will be king. She has some experience, since she’s already been prom princess:

While everyone else is joking, Ricky is calling home and explaining to us how important it for him to succeed in fashion, because being creative was not something he could do as a child. It didn’t pay the rent, he explains in a surprisingly endearing moment. And then he cries, and my sympathy is immediately destroyed through the amount of eye-rolling I was forced to do.

By the end of the day, everyone is ready to sleep on their work tables, so they call it a night. The next day, they have until midnight to finish. Sweet P, Christian and Victorya have all decided that their original plan is not working and they are going to stop listening to the fashion advice of a 17-year-old girl. Probably a good idea, though since the 17-year-old girls are about to walk through the door for a fitting, this could be fun.

The girls enter, with their mothers, which is sure to be a recipe for mortification. Hell, I’m in my 30s, and I still let out an exasperated “Mooooom,” when she pats my belly or worries that my jeans are too tight. There are few things more humiliating than a well-intentioned mother. Kevin is the first one to experience this when mom worries that the gathering in the front makes her daughter look pregnant. Don’t worry, mom! That’s far more likely to happen after the prom. The daughter, true to teenage form, begs her mom to stop. Victorya, Chris, and Sweet P’s models love their dresses. Christian’s model, however, pretty much hates everything about her dress. Considering that it’s rather hideous, I must say she has a point, though I think her concern is that there’s not enough lace and beading.

During his walkthrough, Tim is concerned about Kevin’s lack of hem and thinks Rami’s model may look like she’s wearing her mother’s dress. Sometimes, I think Tim is psychic, in least in all-important matters of fashion, cause the judges brought up both these points. Christian is ready to give up and Tim insists that he rally. Don’t encourage him, Tim! Let him go!

Runway day, and the usual last minute flurry. The girls all act like the noisy, raucous teenaged girls they are while the designers sort out last minute details.

And…the outfits!

Okay, Sweet P needs to stop being so damn hit and miss, cause when she hits, she’s awesome. I want this dress. I want this dress is six different colours. It’s classic and stylish and glamorous and suddenly I feel like going to a ball.

I’ll tell you the truth – when I first saw this dress, I was pretty sure it was going to be in the bottom (sadly, I was very wrong). I hate the bejewelled collar that seems to split her body in half. It looks like a cheap craft store came to life and tried to choke her model. Plus, it’s a miniskirt, and I don’t know what prom Victorya went to, but my school was all about wearing ridiculous long dresses you could never wear again.

Chris, on the other hand, got this just right. More than any of the others, this looks like the sort of dress I’d expect to see at a prom. High school girls want to look grown-up and sexy at prom, and Chris managed this without going over the top. The man is on a roll these days.

Kevin’s…isn’t great. It’s a bit simple for a prom dress, and though I like the basic idea, the final product looks a bit sloppy and unfinished. However, it is not the worst of the bunch by any means. I actually love the color, but I have a weakness for red. Few things are hotter than a red halter dress, but somehow, it just didn’t quite come together here.

Jillian’s dress is nice, isn’t it? It’s pretty and sweet and there’s really nothing wrong with it. I’m not sure why I forgot about it two seconds after it was off the runway, then.

Dear god what is that THING? Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but it’s a lump of brown and lace and not flattering in the slightest bit. If this had been my prom dress, I would have called my date to cancel and then stayed home eating ice cream and watching Carrie. Plus, the back is noticeably shorter than the front.

Kit continues her streak of strong-if-not-exceptional designs. I really like the colors and the lines on this dress, though it doesn’t seem very prommy to me. I could wear this out to dinner or on a date and wouldn’t seem overdressed in the slightest, which rather goes against the whole idea of prom-wear.

No, his model is not naked. No, really, if you look closely, she is wearing a short dress. It just happens to perfectly match her skin tone and have no shape whatsoever. It would be perfect for the girl who wants a camouflage dress so she can perform covert ops at her prom; otherwise, it’s a loser.

Rami’s dress is very, very Rami. Opinion seems to be divided on this one, but I’ll go out on a limb and say I rather like the style. Rami’s dresses are always interesting, if only because you have to stare at them a while to figure out how the hell they’re made. I can understand the criticism that the dress is too mature, but look how happy his model is. She loves it, so he did something right.

Sweet P and Victorya are in the top, and that was my first clue that I was completely out of sync with the judges this time around. VICTORYA? Ricky, Kevin, Christian and Rami are in the bottom. I know! They’re mixing up the formula, and I DON’T LIKE IT. Change is bad, mmmkay? The general complaint is that the dresses aren’t young and fun enough, because no girl wants to look like her mother. Perhaps not, but they sure don’t want to look like teenagers, either. I think the judges should perhaps have gone to a prom in the last 20 years before judging this challenge.

And the winner is…VICTORYA? The hell? And now she has immunity next week, so we won’t get rid of her anytime soon. Sweet P was robbed. Robbed, I say!

And now it’s time for the loser. Rami has immunity, so he’s safe. Christian is safe, which is expected, considering how many decent designs he’s made so far. Yeah, I’ll admit it. Which means we’re down to Ricky and Kevin, and after the phone call home and Ricky’s really weak showing so far and the invisible dress it’s a clear call and WHAT? Kevin is going home? Kevin, who’s been consistent up to now and made a superior dress? What are the judges smoking? Considering that they’ve saved him twice now when a better designer went home, I’ve got to wonder what incriminating photos Ricky has of Michael Kors, cause it sure ain’t his talent keeping him on the show.

So long, Kevin. Just when I was really starting to like you, you get aufed. Think if I pretend to like Christian, he’ll go next?

Kevin gets the kiss-auf and vows that we’ll see his designs somewhere. Good luck with that, Kevin. I’ll miss you.

Next week: Tim makes an announcement that makes Christian want to throw up and Rami and Sweet P appear to have a nasty argument. I suspect there’s some creative editing in there.