Pop Vultures

Project Runway, S04 E08: On Garde

Last week: the world wept when Kevin was sent home instead of Ricky in the prom dress challenge. This week: the designers are asked to make avant garde outfits. Several of them prove they don’t know what that term means.

For the second week in a row, the first scene is NOT a discussion of how much they miss the aufed designer. Come on, editors! You can’t give the sad edit to freaking Simone and not to Kevin. Instead, we get to watch Christian discussing his near aufing last week while doing his hair, a feat that seems to involve a flat iron, two brushes and a staggering amount of self-love. I’m sure you’ll all be relieved to know that his ego has not taken the slightest dent, as he remains convinced that he should not have been in the bottom two and continues to blame his client from hell.

Ricky then interviews that he realizes he has a lot of work to do, a statement so obvious that the Flat Earth Society pause to wonder if he’s a bit dense. “I’ll miss Kevin, but I’m glad it’s not me.” Well, that makes one of you.

On the runway, it’s model swap time! The women are all having really bad hair days. It turns out that their challenge is to design an avant garde outfit inspired by such winning hairdos as this:

The designers pick models, and I seriously don’t remember any season with so many model swaps, especially this late in the show. Victorya, Kit, Jillian, Rami and Chris all stick with their original models. Sweet P picks Lea for her hair, a decision most notable for the fact that it’s the first time Lea wasn’t chosen first. Christian, having had his model stolen from him, picks Lisa and pretends that was his idea all along. Fickle Ricky switches to Amanda. Does any of this matter? Of course not. Moving on.

In the workroom, Tim reminds the designers that their look does not need to be practical or even wearable. Oh, this could be fun, so long as the designers actually listen. Even more fun: they’re working in randomly selected team. The teams are: Kit/Ricky (poor Kit), Chris/Christian, Rami/Sweet P and Jillian/Victorya. They get 30 minutes to choose which model’s hairstyle they’ll be using and plan their outfits.

Their hairdos of choice:

Sweet P & Rami,

Kit & Ricky,

Victorya & Jillian and

Christian & Chris.

Kit, Christian, Victorya and Rami end up as the leaders. It’s worth noting here that Sweet P thought Rami should be the leader because her mind does not naturally go to the avant garde. That might be important later. Just saying.

After shopping at Mood, it’s sew-time! Chris and Christian have an insanely ambitious plan involving 40 yards of fabric. Victorya and Jillian are worried about time management. None of them, however, can compare to the disaster that is shaping up over on Team Rami. He has basically decided he’s Sweet P’s boss and micromanages everything she does. Plus, he kind of acts like an ass every step of the way. Rami, please don’t do this to me. I like you. I don’t actually like many people with a shot at top 3, so knock it off!

It’s already the next day, and the drama continues. Sweet P wants a bustle on the back of their dress to make it more dramatic, whereas Rami wants to ignore everything she’s saying. Not much room to compromise there, really.

Tim enters with a “special announcement.” These never work out well for the designers. This time is no exception, either. Now that they’ve carefully planned their design around the time allotted, how about they make a ready-to-wear design inspired by the first outfit? No problem! After all, they’ll get an extra hour to complete the look. The reactions range from fear to horror to nausea. Rather than curl up into the fetal position, they choose to keep working. One person from each team goes to Mood for more fabric.

I could try to explain the dresses in progress, but the whole point of avant garde is that it shouldn’t be describable. Or maybe that’s my excuse for not even trying. Besides, there are photos below, and I’m lazy. Kit and Ricky love their dress, Victorya and Jillian are desperately sewing, and Rami and Sweet P are still fighting.

Some guy from TresSemmé comes in and tells them that the winners and their models will be featured in an ad in Elle magazine. Everyone applauds, but you know they just want to get back to work.

During his walkthrough, Tim thinks Christian’s ready-to-wear skirt looks cheap, Kit’s dress looks costume, Rami’s isn’t over-the-top enough and Victorya needs more time. Do I even need to say that he’s right about everything?

Rami and Sweet P are still fighting, but at least now they’re giving each other the silent treatment.

Runway day, and the usual model mayhem and last minute sewing that accompanies it. Victorya and Jillian are sewing up to the very last minute.

And the outfits!

Well, it’s not practical, it’s not wearable, but it’s also not avant garde. It’s a Rami dress. Playing with textures does not make it avant garde. I would like to point out that while I was screen-capping this, my VLC player started being cranky and that’s why half these images have the “play” icon in the corner. Rami’s dress broke my computer.

Sweet P’s ready-to-wear, however, is lovely. It seems that Sweet P is a star when it comes to making cute, wearable dresses. Whether I want an entire collection of them is another matter, but I can’t complain about this one. It’s easily the best ready-to-wear of the bunch (and the only thing Rami gave her some free rein on).

Wow. Just wow. Any natural aversion I have to anything Christian makes must be overlooked here, because this is madness in the best possible sense. You can really see Chris’s costume aesthetic in the design, as well. This might be the best partnership ever.

Except their ready-to-wear is kind of dull. Sure, I hate ruffles, but there’s nothing very original about this. They clearly used up all their creativity on the first one. The skirt, I should point out, is a different fabric than the one Tim disparaged. See, Christian? Tim is always right.

Oh, Kit. I do like the idea. I do. If I needed something to wear to an antebellum costume party, you’d be the first one I’d call. But something went very wrong between the initial idea of a “bird’s nest apron” and this.

Snore. I’m sorry, is that not enough commentary? Okay, how about Ricky made this? We really don’t need any more information.

Fucking hell. I want this. I want to wear it everywhere I go and be the living manifestation of the Wicked Witch of the West. A punk wicked witch, at that. I totally don’t get how the jodhpurs work with the coat, but I don’t care, either. I’d go naked under this coat. I wouldn’t need anything else. I’m starting to see why Jillian has no personality: she saves it all for the designs (the coat was hers, while the top and pants were Victorya’s).

And, once again, the ready-to-wear is the weakness. It’s cute enough, but nothing special. Clearly, they ran out of time, but I will forgive them because OH MY GOD THAT COAT.

Teams Rami and Kit have the lowest scores, to no one’s surprise. After the judges question the designers, they give the win to Christian. And though I love the coat, that dress is so over the top and original that I can’t begrudge the win. Damn you, Christian! Damn you to hell!

Now, it’s time for the losers. The judges are starting to think that Rami is a one-trick draping pony. He does his best to blame Sweet P, and she does not help her case by saying that she wanted to add “an explosion out of her rear.” There might have been a better way to phrase that, Sweet P. Kit is accused of being a little too Scarlett O’Hara without the attitude and…yeah. I like Kit, but yeah. Sadly, she does not point out how terrible Ricky’s ready-to-wear is. Throw him under the bus, Kit! Save yourself!

First Sweet P is saved, then Ricky. Oh god we will NEVER get rid of him. Those naked photos he must have of Michael Kors are going to get him to Bryant Park. It’s down to Rami and Kit, and Kit is sent home. I am sad, but she was the leader of the team with the worst dresses overall, so I can’t cry foul too loudly.

But next week, Ricky better go. Do you hear me, Project Runway gods? Lose that tear-stained, ugly-hat wearing fraud or lose my love forever!

(I didn’t mean that, baby. I’ll always be here for you. But you gotta show me a little appreciation, you know.)

Bye, Kit. Good luck.

Next week: They must design an outfit with some raw materials from what looks like the Port Authority of New York, and Jillian looks like she’s about to lose it. Maybe her robot brain is short-circuiting.