Pop Vultures

Project Runway, S04 E09: Even Designers Get the Blues

Previously on Project Runway: Ricky continued to be touched by some angel with really bad fashion sense, as he was saved while his partner Kit went home. This week: the designers are given piles of denim and asked to create their own iconic design. I’m not sure if it’s possible do instantly decide if something is iconic, but I’m not a major jeans company paying top sponsor dollars, so what do I know?

We open in the women’s apartment, where Victorya is insisting on repeatedly calling Sweet P Kit, despite several reminders that it’s not her name. You know, I’m starting to think that Victorya lacks people skills.

Over in the men’s apartment, they are congratulating themselves on being the only apartment not to lose a single member. That’s it! It’s the building’s fault that Ricky is still there. Some curse has been placed on their rooms that none of them shall ever leave. They’ll still be there when the season 5 designers show up. Seriously. Chris was aufed and returned, Ricky appears bullet-proof and Rami & Christian have never really come close to leaving. It’s cursed!

On the runway, it’s model time. Christian chooses to stay with Lisa. However, before sending the lovely Marie home, he swears his love to her and proclaims, “Thank you more than life.” I’m still trying to figure out if there is some meaning hidden in that nonsense, which is a clear sign that I’m taking Christian far too seriously.

Tim is waiting for the designers in the lobby to go on a bit of a field trip. On the way downstairs to meet him, there is a clear shot of Rami with his arm around Sweet P. She does not appear to be trying to escape, so I think we can assume they kissed and made up since last week.

The designers all pile into a van and cross the Brooklyn Bridge. Christian is naturally horrified that they have left the safety of fashionable Manhattan and entered a dingy borough where large hoop earrings and teased hair still reign. Please remember that this fashion elitism is coming from a man with an asymmetrical mullet.

At the Port Authority of New York, they meet a designer for a major jeans company and find the materials for their challenge: row upon row of denim. Obviously, corporate sponsorship is big this season, but since I’ll never see a penny of it, they are generic jeans to me. I will only be a corporate whore if someone pays me to be.

The designers have five minutes to grab all the denim they can and stuff it in a laundry bag. It is rather amusing to watch the designers jump for the denim clothes-pinned just out of their reach. They rather look like Project Runway’s trained monkeys. When Heidi says jump, they will ask how high.

Sew time! Ricky stays in his comfort zone by working on a denim corset while Jillian chooses to repeat last week’s theme of a futuristic coat. I hope she’s not already out of ideas.

Sweet P asks Chris how to remove dirt from her denim, since it ended up being rolled around the dirty port floor. He suggests a damp cloth, but Christian, who is smarter than everyone, insists on a dry piece of denim. Chris snidely says that he doesn’t know how many times Christian has been paid as a stylist, but the little monster insists that he knows more than a man who wants to wet denim.

And then we get the greatest sequence EVER, in which moments of Christian being an ass are interspersed with the other designers insulting him. Jillian calls him talented but immature. Chris wants someone to give him a bottle and send him to bed. Rami calls him a yacking, bitching cartoon character who makes him want to tear out his non-existent hair. You know, Rami got a lot of flack for his attitude last week, but the man does have to live with Christian. Perhaps we should just be thankful that he hasn’t actually tried to assault someone in an effort to let off steam.

Victorya is working on a trench coat, which does not make Jillian happy. She thinks it’s a little too much of a coincidence that Victorya is making a coat a week after Jillian constructed one. Yes, but I’m not sure that it’s any better to make a coat two weeks in a row. Be quiet, Jillian.

Christian is working on a trucker/biker denim outfit. Okay, I know what a biker outfit looks like, but what the hell is a trucker outfit? The only truckers I’ve ever seen wore low-slung jeans and a light-colored button down shirt. Now they tell me this is iconic? I need to pay more attention on my next road trip.

Sweet P is designer a denim wedding dress. I spend a few minutes trying to convince her through the television that this is a very very bad idea.

Chris and Christian are pinning and complaining about how quiet it is with so many people gone. Chris says it’s particularly sad to see favorite people go, and Christian adds that it’s worse that some annoying people are still around. On cue, Ricky enters the room. This episode, I really love the editors.

In interviews, Christian insults Ricky’s design and vision while Ricky feels that he’s getting some attitude from other designers that he’s not worthy, despite his past work experience with Vera Wang and Valentino. I begin to get worried that they’re setting us up for a Ricky win.

Sweet P asks Christian where Chris is, and he replies that he’s probably in the workroom, “talking to himself like a crackhead.” Cut to Chris talking sweetly to his outfit. Editors, you are on FIRE.

During Tim’s walkthrough, he loves Ricky’s (NO HE’S GOING TO WIN NO NO), is worried about some of Chris’s seams, thinks Jillian has a ways to go (does he ever say anything else to Jillian?), likes Rami’s and thinks Victorya’s is too patchworky. Then he gets to Sweet P.

Sweet P: I’m making a wedding dress.
Tim: Mmm-hmmm.
Sweet P: Is it scaring you?
Tim: Mmm-hmmm.

Sweet P, being the wise soul she is, listens to Tim and agrees to change the skirt.

As the day draws to a close, Jillian is complaining that there’s just not enough time to do the work. Perhaps she should have watched a previous season before applying to be on the show. Chris, well aware that she volunteered for this torment that will give her brand national exposure, really can’t be bothered to listen to her complain. She continues to whine that she is cutting herself on the machine needle and there is blood everywhere. There is not a single shot of her bloodied fingers, so I’m inclined to think that she’s a whining whiner.

The next day, everyone is worried about their outfits and working at a frenzied pace. Jillian is still worried about the similarity between her outfit and Victorya’s, though her model helpfully points out that Victorya’s “does not look cute.” She’s not lying, either. While the models are in hair and makeup, everyone puts the final touches on their outfits, many of which seem to involve glue and prayer. Christian, as always, insists that he deserves to win. Seriously, would it be considered inhumane to muzzle the little freak?

And…runway time!

Chris’s is fine, I suppose, though I don’t think there’s anything new or original going on here. I mean, a sweetheart halter neckline is not exactly the next step in fashion.

Ricky should buy his model her next pack of cigarettes, because she sold this. I actually find the styling on this outfit more impressive than the dress. The boots and hair are fabulous, and the dress itself is well-fitted and cute. Oh my god, he IS going to win, isn’t he?

Especially if this is his competition. Victorya made a coat that I would not buy at an end-of-day closeout price at someone’s garage sale. It looks frumpy, poorly designed and dull. Plus, her model looks a bit like a flasher, and while that look may be somewhat appealing on a young model, it might not work quite so well in the general population.

Do I even need to tell you that this is a Rami design? I like that he used the zippers as seams and the overall silhouette is interesting. Sure, he collar looks like it got drunk one night and let someone take advantage of it, but that might be a selling point for some.

Oh my god, I hate this. I hate the proportions that cut the model in half and would not work on anyone above a size zero. I mean, he made the pants legs out of sleeves, which should tell you the likelihood of this fitting someone who actually eats. Plus, the shoulders and the neckline are more Judy Jetson than biker trucker.

Well, it’s way better than Victorya’s trench, so you know she’s not going home. It’s also a chaotic blue mess. I respect the choice to use ruffled Edwardian sleeves with a futuristic collar, but the end result doesn’t work. At all.

The judges bring everyone out on the runway for a chat. They like Rami, Ricky, Sweet P and Christian (?!). Of course, when they tell Ricky they like his outfit, he…wait for it…starts crying. Saw that one coming, didn’t you? He says that he never knows whether he’s good or not and Michael, in one of his best lines ever, tells him kindly that it never goes away. He does not then add that Ricky should suck it up if he’s going to survive in one of the bitchiest businesses on earth, but I’ll be happy to do it for him.

The judges don’t like the seams on Chris’s dress (listen to Tim, damn it!) or either trench coat.

And, in a move I saw coming and yet still could not avoid, Ricky is declared the winner. Thankfully, he does not have immunity next week, so he will hopefully screw up. Everyone else is dismissed until we’re down to the bottom two: Jillian and Victorya. Considering that Jillian attempted some interesting ideas while Victorya’s trench wasn’t even in fashion’s orbit, Victorya is thankfully given the kiss-auf at last. If it couldn’t be Ricky, I’m glad it was her.

Bye, Victorya. My spell check is very grateful that it no longer has to deal with that annoying ‘y’ in your name.

Next week: The designers go on a field trip to a closed door and Tim says their next challenge is inside. They think they hear the sound of sex moans while I am fairly certain it’s the cries of children. One of us is very disturbed.