Pop Vultures

Beverly Hills 90210, S02 E02: The Party Fish

Last week: Brenda and Dylan broke up, and my heart broke a tiny bit alongside them, and Brandon callously ditched Nat and the Peach Pit for a swanky job as a cabana boy. This week: Brandon plays fast and loose with his employers yet again, and Brenda spends a ridiculous amount of time wearing a heavy wool coat and sobbing for her mommy. Yes, really.

Chez Walsh, morning: Jim and Brandon breakfast in the kitchen, as Brandon bitches about how much work his new job is. Jim waffles on annoyingly about there’s being no such thing as a free lunch, and how you get what you pay for in this world; Brandon tries to persuade him to pay for half of his new car, so that he can quit his job and enjoy the summer, but Jim ignores him.

Beach Club. Obligatory volleyball and women-putting-on-suntan-oil shots, as Brandon schleps beach umbrellas to a tennis court where two middle aged men are playing. A shot is called out, and one of the players goes into an apoplectic frenzy, but his opponent claims he didn’t see the shot. Brandon pipes up from the sidelines that he saw it, and Apoplectic Guy says that whatever “the kid” says goes. “Nice shot,” says Brandon smarmily, and Apoplectic Guy rejoices, telling Brandon that an envelope with a tip will be waiting for him at the front desk.

The tennis players go into the bar, where there is tedious banter, joined by a blonde waitress, who seems to imply that Apoplectic Guy cheated. Apoplectic Guy roars at Brandon to tell her what he saw, and Brandon says the shot was in. The club manager, Mr Thomas, says he told her that Brandon was a quick study, and the waitress says to Brandon that Mr Thomas never told her that he was so cute. Apoplectic Guy shakes hands with Mr Thomas, who calls him Mr Rattinger, and Brandon asks if he’s Jerry Rattinger, the sports promoter: he thinks he knows his father, Jim Walsh. Jerry pumps Brandon’s hand excitedly, saying that he hears Jim’s thinking about joining the Beach Club. He walks off, leaving Brandon grinning like a goon.

On the beach, Brandon erects a wind shelter as Dylan walks up, fresh from the surf. Brandon asks how he’s doing, and Dylan says he’s OK; Henry – Mr Thomas – lets him park his board at the Beach Club even though his dad’s not a member there any more. Brandon agrees that Henry is cool…and so is Sandy. He ogles the blonde waitress, as Dylan corrects him that Sandy is exquisite. Brandon looks awkward, and finally tells Dylan that he’s sorry about him and Brenda. Dylan tells him not to worry about it, things happen, but “big Jimbo must be skying.” I would like Dylan so much more if he talked like a normal person. Brandon laughs and tells him he’s welcome to come over any time, no matter what happened between him and Brenda, and Dylan thanks him.

In acting class, Mr Suiter tells the class that he asked Brenda to bring in her mom’s winter coat so that they could demonstrate a sense memory process. Brenda takes the coat and explains that the memory is about the time she got lost in the department store. She was supposed to stay with Brandon, but she decided she would take a little adventure on the escalators; thirty minutes later, her parents were convinced that she was kidnapped, and all she remembers is feeling intense panic. Mr Suiter rhetorically asks if Brenda can recreate the emotions of being lost and found by recreating the smell and the texture of wet winter wool, and Brenda dons the coat.

In the hallway after class, Andrea tells Brenda she did great, but Brenda says that the tears felt forced. Donna and Kelly examine the coat and marvel over how cold it must be in Minnesota, and Kelly says that she’ll stick with the beach and asks if Brenda’s coming, but Brenda wants to work on this sense-memory stuff some more. Kelly tells her to give her a break, whereupon David appears from nowhere and says a creative person can’t be afraid to follow their artistic impulses. David adds that since Brenda will be staying in town, there’s room in Kelly’s car for him to go to the beach instead. Kelly gives Brenda a sarcastic thank you, and she, Donna and David leave Brenda and Andrea by Brenda’s locker. Brenda asks Andrea what she’s doing now, and Andrea says the same as Brenda: avoiding going to the beach. Brenda asks if it’s that obvious, adding that she feels that if she ran into Dylan she couldn’t deal with it. After a pause, Andrea shyly asks Brenda if Brandon’s asked about her, but Brenda says nothing.

Beach Club. Brandon tells Sandy that it’s a great bunch of people at this club, which I find ludicrously hard to believe, and Sandy tells him something about the rich: “they’re different from you and me.” Brandon correctly identifies the Gatsby quote, and asks, in an offensively incredulous way, if she’s read it, and Sandy says yes, a long time ago, probably before Brandon was born. She asks how old he is, and Brandon says he doesn’t know: how old does she want him to be? That line worked so much better on the OC. They smirk at each other in a desperate attempt to create sexual tension.

Chez Walsh. Brenda is on the phone to her grandmother, telling her that summer is definitely the best time if the year, and she loves her acting class at school. Cindy is getting ready in the background and Jim comes in, telling her that if they don’t leave now they won’t get to the Beach Club on time. Brenda tells her grandmother to hold on, asking Jim if they’re going to the Beach Club tonight. She seems inexplicably distressed, and asks if Brandon knows they’re going there tonight. Cindy says he does, and asks Brenda to join them, but Brenda says she can’t, and, flailing about for excuses, brandishes the phone and says she’s talking to grandma. Cindy looks confused, as do I.

Beach Club. At the bar, Sandy bitches to a fellow waitress about the new members before being approached by Brandon, who asks her to dance. He twirls her a couple of times and she laughs and asks if he does this to all women, which of course he doesn’t, because Season 1 Brandon hated to dance, but why should I be naïve enough to expect any sort of continuity?

As Henry walks off, Cindy shrieks Brandon’s name and comes flouncing through the crowd, followed by Jim and Jerry. She is wearing a madras shorts-suit and a bright red blouse, and it is truly offensive. Brandon kisses her on the cheek and asks where they’ve been, and Jim and Jerry banter about Jim getting lost on the way. Jerry concludes to Jim that they’ll forgive him anything as long as he pays his dues on time — that way his son can become a beach bum like the rest of the kids. Sandy looks disconcerted as Brandon says it sounds good to him, and Jim tells him not to get any ideas. Brandon comments to a stony-faced Sandy that it’s a small world: his dad’s an executive tax specialist, and he’s just started working on the Rattinger account. “Yep, a very small world,” says sandy coldly. She stalks off, and Brandon looks nonplussed.

Later, at the new members function, Steve goes over to Brandon, and tells him to party up: the grunion run tonight. He explains that grunion are the ultimate California party fish: they come to the beach a couple of nights every summer to lay their eggs. Everyone will be there, and Brandon might want to ask his “lady friend.”

At the bar, Sandy wearily puts down a tray, and Brandon comes running up to her saying that he knows it’s last minute and it’s cool to say no, but if she’s not doing anything tonight the grunion are running. She smiles coolly and asks at which beach does he propose they go to watch this miracle of nature, and Brandon says wherever it is they usually run. Sandy explains that they can come ashore at any point between Point Conception and the Mexican border, but she really wouldn’t know, because after twelve years of living in Los Angeles she’s never actually seen them, and she doesn’t really think they exist…but if Brandon runs into any, give them her best.

She storms off and Brandon chases after her, asking if he said something wrong. Sandy asks why he didn’t introduce her to his parents. They were standing next to them about half a dozen times, and it would have been really easy for him to introduce her as his friend from work. Sandy is clearly bonkers. Brandon says he didn’t think she cared about stuff like that; Sandy tells him not to flatter himself, and Brandon offers one of his trademark graceless non-apologies by telling her to come on: “I’m sorry, all right, go ahead and shoot me.” Sandy sighs and says his parents seem like really wholesome types, but she’s not all that crazy about people from Beverly Hills. Brandon explains that they’re from Minnesota, but Sandy points out that now he goes to Beverly Hills High School. Brandon snottily says that actually he goes to West Beverly, but he could transfer to West Podunk, if that would make her happy. Sandy says that the way her head is pounding she doesn’t think anything could make her happy tonight. “Not even the sight of 10,000 wild and crazy grunion having an orgy on the beach?” Brandon asks, adding that he knows it’s a long shot, but stranger things have happened. Sandy agrees, and Brandon asks if that’s a yes, and “it’s a ‘let me think about it’,” she says. Cheesy synth music plays throughout this scene, as if 90210 is trying to lift its early-90s game.

Next morning, Chez Walsh, Brenda bitches at Brandon for leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor and making the bathroom smell like fish. He apologises, and tells her that there were no fish anywhere on the beach last night: they waited hours for them not to show up, just like Sandy predicted. “Sandy?” says Brenda suspiciously, “as in…a girl named Sandy?” “As in a woman named Sandy,” says Brandon smugly. Brenda asks how old she is, and Brandon says he doesn’t know, she won’t tell him. Brenda says that is a definite sign of someone being old and Brandon nods, smiling. The twins head downstairs and say hi to Jim, and Brandon comments that he and Cindy left the party a little early last night. Brenda asks if it’s going to be a Beverly Hills Beach Club kind of a summer, but Jim just turns, saying nothing. Ruh-roh!

Moments later, in the kitchen, Brandon is confused: didn’t they say they had a great time last night? Cindy says that they did. “And you love the beach,” adds Brandon, and asks what the problem is. Jim says when you factor in the costs of joining a beach club the numbers just don’t add up. Cindy adds that they’d rather spend the money on college tuition. Brandon demands if it’s a money thing, and when Jim denies it, Brandon aggressively asks what kind of thing it is. Jim explains that he thinks it’s safer to keep your professional life separate from your social life. Brandon snottily concludes that they think the club is too Beverly Hills chichi for their Midwestern taste buds, which Jim denies again, and Brandon bellows that he’s just trying to figure out why a place that 99% of the population is dying to get into is not good enough for them to join. God, Brandon is utterly obnoxious in this scene; I am baffled at how this show tried to keep up the pretence that Brandon was the “good twin” and the show’s moral centre. “Because it’s my decision,” says Jim coldly. Brandon gets up and says he’s going to the Beach Club, stomping off like the overgrown toddler he is.