Pop Vultures

Project Runway, S05 E06: Good Queen Fun.

Last week on Project Runway: Brooke Shields showed us she’s still hot, and Kelli sadly showed us that she was not by designing a surprisingly tacky dress. This week: it’s a gay old time when PR breaks out the drag queen challenge, complete with special guest Chris March.

For the third week in a row, Korto kicks things off with, this time interviewing that’ a) it’s kind of sad that Kelli was kicked off and b) kind of surprising that Daniel is still there. I’m with you on both points, Korto.

In the men’s apartment, Blayne and Joe are getting their bitch on and explaining why Keith shouldn’t have won. As Joe neatly summarizes, “It was raw cut swatches of chiffon. How innovative.” Right now, I’m not sure if any of the designers like anyone else.

On the runway, Heidi skips over model swap to introduce a special guest. In case the designers can’t figure out who it is by the clear silhouette of Viking horns behind the scrim, the telltale cackle immediately gives it away. Yes, in the middle of this season of mostly unlikeable characters, we thankfully get the breath of camp air that is Chris March.

Not only that, but the designers must design an outfit for their very own drag queen client. Chris assures them that he’s assembled a special group of ladies, and they meet Farrah Moans, Miss Understood, Sweetie, Luisa Verde, Hedda Lettuce, Sharon Needles, LeMay, Annida Greenkard, Sherry Vine, Acid Betty and Varla Jean Merman. The designers’ names are drawn out of the bag to choose their queens, and everyone is lucky enough to pick someone that seems to match their style.

In the workroom, Tim gives them a few more details about the brief. Their outfits must portray their client’s persona, and they better be over-the-top. Seriously, there is more freedom with this than last year’s wrestling diva challenge. I’m praying we see a giant sequin wearing a rhinestone headdress sashay down that runway.

Everyone gets time to consult with their client. LeMay, who’s with Jerell, insists that she doesn’t want a costume because her face is gorgeous enough to shine on its own. Poor Jerell. The best challenge of the year and he gets the world’s first subdued drag queen. Blayne is lucky enough to have someone who not only wears hot pink and neon green in combination, and will therefore love whatever bizarre color combination he creates this week, but also explains to him that drag is all “smoke and mirrors,” playing up the good stuff and hiding what needs to be hidden. Hedda Lettuce informs Suede that she wants “things. I want shiny, I want pop, I want glamour, I want this I want that, I want it all in one outfit. Yet, I want it to be tasteful.” Suede laughs, clearly thinking that she’s kidding. Stella informs Luisa Verde, whose aesthetic is clearly early 60s, that she’s going to grommet everything. You know how, in the very first episode, Stella said that she was going on the show to step outside her comfort zone? How’s that working out for you, Stella?

Leanne decides to give Sharon Needles a futuristic garment, Joe seems slightly bemused by the entire process, and Daniel plans to use bright colors. Since Kenley and Terri don’t get to speak, I guess we can already assume they’re safe.

After shopping at Mood, it’s sew time. Based on the small mountain of vibrant, shiny, glittery and feathered clothing strewn about, it’s pretty clear this is not a normal challenge. The place looks like a gay nightclub after a tsunami.

Suede interviews that while he was working, his grandfather came to visit him and started sprinkling seeds all over until he started to see little Bibb lettuces on the garment. You know, Suede is so very sincere in his statement that it would be easy to make fun of him, but my dad still comes by at odd moments and I gotta say, I know what he means. Except for the part where the spirit of his ancestor comes back to the earthly plane to help him win a reality show, but who knows what those ghosts get up to? Perhaps they love Tim Gunn as much as the rest of us.

Their clients visit for a fitting in their man clothes, and they are completely unrecognizable. Or, as Blayne says of his model, “He’s just a normal, short little Mexican dude.” The queens are far more entertaining than the normal models, offering helpful commentary on each other’s outfits (”I’m gagging on the silver sequins across the room.”) and telling Blayne to shut up (”No one asked you, Other Designer.”) Suede’s client feels a little “barnacly” with the Bibb lettuces (letti?) and worries about being a bit Godzilla in all the green. When informed that there were gloves instead of sleeves, she comments. “Were you being lazy with the gloves? You didn’t want to put sleeves on the outfit?” Collective reaction of all the designers: “Oh no you di-int!” Suede’s model may be brilliantly catty, but she doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together if she thinks it’s easier to make gloves than sleeves.

This week, Tim’s walkthrough is more fun than usual, since he brings Chris March along for the ride. Even so, Tim gets the best line when he tells Blayne that his outfit “looks like a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic park.” I cannot tell you how pleased I am that I was able to get that right without a spell check.

Suede is still smarting a bit after the glove incident, but both Tim and Chris like the gloves. Okay, I GIVE UP. I like Suede, Sweet, wacky, sensitive Suede. I like him, okay? It does help that he has not referred to himself in the third person once this episode.

Tim is able to muster an uncertain “interesting” for Keith’s design and is underwhelmed by Daniel’s, which has a dramatic train and a dull top half. He asks for a more exuberant top, and Tim Gunn saying “exuberant” is just one of those things in life that makes me happy. Daniel does not share my senseless glee, however, assuring us that he is not worried at all about Tim’s critique and thinks his dress his beautiful. After four seasons, you’d think these designers would have figured out what happens when you don’t listen to Tim. Or maybe Daniel’s just not that bright.

Runway day. In the middle of the usual chaos, Suede gets a quiet moment with Hedda Lettuce in the sewing room, and calmly explains to her that he thought the glove comment was disrespectful and says that he really needs her on board. He manages to do this in such a mature and drama-free way that I’m forced to like him even more. He might even be my favorite now. How the hell did that happen?

After the most fabulous makeup montage ever, up to and including feathers as false eyelashes, it’s show time, featuring guest judge RuPaul. RuPaul is still around?

This might be an odd thing to say about a silver glitter dress with gigantic black and white feathers, but it feels like Kenley played it a bit safe. While the silhouette is perfect for her client and her Marilyn-esque persona, the color doesn’t pop at all, and any good drag queen knows that you’ve got to pop. I think there are about twelve different jokes I could make there, but I’m going to be tasteful for once.

There are lots of people deserving of extraordinary luck on this planet, but I somehow can’t believe that Blayne is one of them. And yet, here he is, with a client who actually appreciates his insistence on using neon colors and a challenge that lets him get away with a pair of broken wings strewn with what appears to be silly string. What is it going to take to get rid of him? However, even with my blind hatred of all his work, this shouldn’t have been his week to go. The dress, at least, is flattering, with the black waist band creating curves where there aren’t any. He grudgingly gets a pass from me. This week.

Not many people can wear a pink glitter catsuit with a sailor collar. In fact, I’m not sure if those words have ever been used in combination before. Somehow, though, it completely and totally works in this challenge. The flared bottoms create the illusion of curvy legs (heavily muscled curves, but still) and the belt manages to simultaneously hide the goodies while creating hips. Joe got this one spot on. Plus, it’s a helpful illustration of just how good redheads can look in pink, if such a demonstration were still needed in a post-Molly Ringwald world.

I suppose I should be happy that Stella did not make leather pants and a vest, but I’m not going to be won over that easily. The dress is fine, I suppose, for Stella, but it’s not what her beehive hairdo and white gloves-wearing model would choose. There’s a difference between including your aesthetic in your designs and making clothes for yourself, and Stella consistently does the latter. I’m bored of her. I think next week should be another prom challenge, and Stella should get stuck with a teenaged girl who only wants to wear pink.

Hedda works Suede’s outfit as she promised she would and really, why wouldn’t she? The construction creates an hourglass shape, shows off her legs, and is the right color for somebody who named herself Hedda Lettuce. Considering that the whole thing is rather lacking is glitter, rhinestones or even a single small feather, he really needed to make the lettuce gloves to bring a bit of drama to the show. Grandpa got this one right.

I know we’re supposed to judge the outfits, but I’ve decidd that I just don’t like Daniel. He is an annoying person who should never win. It’s not that he’s a bad designer, necessarily, but he does have design tunnel vision and is inexplicably arrogant about his limited range. This was not a dress challenge. It was a drag queen challenge. If you’re not going to give us something that would make Cher look tasteful in comparison, why would you even bother to show up? Plus, he didn’t even attempt to create a feminine shape with his garment. It looks like a guy in excellent makeup wearing a dress.

Chalk up another good one for Terri, who easily created the most original outfit of the week. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here – there’s a kimono? And a red PVC corset? And some unexplained yellow fringe? Still, it works. It’s dramatic and funky and you can’t take your eyes off it, if only because you’re trying to figure out what’s going on. Plus, I gotta give full marks to outfit that includes 10″ platform knee high lace-up boots.

I’m starting to love Jerell the person, but Jerell the designer was having an off day here. Despite using purple and gold glittered fabric, the overall effect is strangely subdued. I think he needed to borrow some of Blayne’s pink. The bias effect of the stripes might elongate the body a bit, but it sure doesn’t create any curves. Plus the pop-up collar looks like she’s preparing for a strong windstorm, rather than preparing to be a Disney villain, which is what any proper pop-up collar should do.

Now, this is drag. Red, shiny, tawdry, and visible from space. I’ll even overlook my dislike of asymmetric sleeves, just this once. Korto also made something that does not look like a Korto outfit, showing the ability to stretch herself — an ability at least half the remaining designers utterly lack. The dress really isn’t anything interesting, the the pull-off skirt is fun, the flames are brilliant and the outfit absolutely meets the brief.

I haven’t had an oy moment lately, have I? Then this one’s overdue. Oy. Keith, what the fuck were you thinking? You don’t get to run a bunch of fabric through the shredder, tie it together with a bit of string and call it Tina Turner-esque. The proportions are wrong, the cut is wrong, and the accessories are wrong. If you can’t see a freaking silver disco ball belt because you’re too distracted by the mess of fringe flying everywhere, something’s gone terribly awry. Basically, she looks like a bird, and not some exotic bird of paradise, either. She’s a lowly street pigeon.

So, this is what happens when drag meets the Jetsons. Considering that was exactly what Leanne was aiming for, I’d say she nailed it. The colors bore me, and I’m terribly disappointed by the utter lack of sequins, but at least the skirt is interesting. The dress doesn’t do much to enhance the femininity of the wearer, but there are so many worse outfits this week that I can easily let that slide.

Once the judges finally stop laughing, Heidi gives the results. Terri, Joe, and Korto are in the top three, while Jerell, Daniel and Keith are in the bottom. Can’t see anything wrong with that, though I’d replace Korto with Suede, just cause I liked him this week. The show should reward him for not speaking in the third person.

Michael Kors calls Keith’s dress “a sad chicken,” continuing this week’s theme of insulting outfits by comparing them to winged animals. Jerell’s is called normal, and they complain about the lack of drama in Daniel’s. Daniel, of course, refuses to listen to them, saying that he would throw up if he made anything tacky.

After the judges’ chat, Heidi announces the winner. Since Terri obviously had some sort of curse placed upon her ensuring that she never wins a challenge, she’s in, but not the winner. This week, Joe gets the win and immunity next week. Korto is in. Jerell is in, leaving us with Keith and Daniel, and once again I hope that somehow this week is a double elimination. Alas, only one can go home, and this week it’s Daniel’s turn. He is sad, which makes one of us.

Next week: it’s another unusual materials challenge, and Keith acts like an ass. I think I’m going to miss the drag queens.

What did you think of the results? Did you agree? And, perhaps more importantly, what would be your drag name?