Pop Vultures

I hate spoilers. Hate ‘em. If I could go into every show completely ignorant of what was going to happen, I’d be a happy little blogger. This is a bit difficult when I have to spend a great deal of time trolling the web for TV news, but I still do what I can to stay spoiler-free. For that reason, there is no way I’m going to click on any link for Dollhouse spoilers, but if you simply can’t wait till the fall for a new injection of Whedon TV, have at it.

Not nearly so spoilerific, but still containing some casting information and general plot points is this article from USA Today, summarizing how several shows plan to end their strike-shortened season. The one about House, the unicorn and the school bus is particularly surprising.

• In a bit of news that confuses me greatly, the CW has announced plans for a horror reality show. The thirteen contestants will battle through a series of horror-themed challenges (running in high heels? demonstration of ability to unlock car doors in moments of panic?) until only one remains, presumably having defeated some sort of bloodthirsty villain. One must assume that virgins will have the advantage in the casting process. Sam Raimi is on board as an executive producer, but unless he plans on bringing Bruce Campbell with him, I remain unconvinced.

• Before I even got around to watching a single episode, Fox has canceled Amy Sherman-Paladino’s new comedy, The Return of Jezebel James. Despite the indie-girl dream cast of Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose, the show earned lackluster reviews and was quickly banished to the Friday night Death Slot. This follows on the cancellation of another show I never watched, Jericho. I can’t say this news has any real emotional impact on me.

• NBC has stayed true to its pledge to shake things up by foregoing the May upfronts this year. Instead, it plans to announce its 2008-9 schedule in a press conference next week. I’ve already begun the ritual chanting for a Friday Night Lights renewal.

• Finally, in the “better late than never” category, Square Pegs has at last been released on DVD. If you loved Freaks and Geeks and My So-Called Life, you owe it to yourself to check out the original misfits-in-high-school show. If that’s not enough to convince you, you also get early 80s fashion to mock, guest appearances by Devo, and a young Bill Murray dancing to Billy Idol. That’s just good television, people.

So much news! Some of it isn’t exactly hot off the presses, I confess, but it’s all important TV news and, therefore, still Tidbit-worthy.

• THR is reporting that the CW is in talks to produce a contemporary version of Beverly Hills 90210. Yes, you read that correctly. However, before I could bury my head in my hands and weep about the desecration of a pop culture masterpiece, I read that Rob Thomas, of Veronica Mars fame, might be writing it. 90210 and VM? Someone at the CW may love me, after all.

• It looks like Michael Scofield gets to spend another year gazing into the middle distance while narrowly escaping from an incomprehensible worldwide conspiracy. GMMR says that Prison Break will be back for a fourth season.

• I’ve been holding off on reporting this until NBC confirmed it, but I’m tired of waiting. Word is that Friday Night Lights will get a third season through a partnership with DirecTV. As much as I want to trust this Nikki Finke exclusive, I’m scared to get my hopes up, lest they be heartlessly crushed by some studio linebacker. And considering all my knowledge of football was gleaned from watching FNL, the metaphor will have to die there.

• If you’re in the UK, the campiest of all singing competitions starts back up on Saturday. Who needs American Idol when you have I’ll Do Anything? The show chronicles the search for the next Nancy and Oliver to star a West End production of Oliver! Tune in to watch delicate young men have their dreams cruelly crushed each week — but in a tasteful way, I’m sure.

I’ve gotten a bit behind on reporting the news this last week, an unfortunate side effect of living in a society that insists on practicing a service-for-currency system. It seems ludicrous that work should ever take priority over television reporting, I know. In an attempt to get caught up, today’s tidbits are coming at you in super-sized form.

• CBS has renewed 11 shows for next season, among them Cold Case, NCIS, Ghost Whisperer, The Big Bang Theory, and all three CSIs. Looking at this list, I am reminded of how little I actually watch or care about CBS. Worryingly, How I Met Your Mother is not on the list, though it has been picked up for nine more episodes this year, indicating that the network has yet to give up on it.

• Which is, sadly, more support than Friday Night Lights is currently getting from NBC. I have delayed writing about this, clinging to some desperate hope that the NBC bigwigs will pull their heads out of their collective arses and renew the best show currently on network television, but so far there has been nothing but deafening silence coming from the studio bosses on high. Best Week Ever has launched a full-scale Save Our Show campaign. If Jericho fans can do it, so can we, damn it. What would Riggins do, indeed? (Well, Riggins would probably get drunk, end up in bed with some hot neighbor, moon over Lila a bit, and then pass out on the sofa. You can do all that if you want, but sign the petition first, okay?)

• How about some good news? Season 4 of Battlestar Galactica returns on April 4. Still wondering what the big deal is? Well, if you can’t be bothered to watch the DVDs of previous seasons (and more fool you, I say), the Sci-Fi channel is helpfully airing a half hour special on March 28 to get new viewers caught up on the ins and outs of the space apocalypse action soap opera and contemporary moral allegory.

• Can’t get enough of Philip Glenister in Life On Mars or Ashes To Ashes? Have Moonlight and Blood Ties failed to sate your desire for television vampires? Then you’ll be pleased to hear that Glenister will be starring in a new ITV drama in the UK. Still untitled, the drama aims to update Bram Stoker’s Dracula in a London setting. At least these bloodsuckers are sensible enough to live where it’s dark and gloomy 3/4 of the year, unlike those foolish Southern California-dwellers of the Buffy series.

• Finally, for all you aspiring screenwriters, Eric Estrin — who we interviewed for the Adopt A Writer — has officially kicked off the LAObserved Script Project. Break out the Final Draft and see what stories you want to tell. Short on ideas? No worries — just combine the best shows from this post and end up with a football playing vampire with a robotic girlfriend from the future. It will be a surefire hit, I promise.

• The writers for two shows I don’t watch are getting back to work! Lionsgate has reached an interim agreement with the WGA, meaning that writers for Mad Men and Weeds can get back to producing stellar copy while smoking fat joints. (Both are on the list of shows to catch up on, I swear.) [TV Guide]

• Just as American TV is running out of fresh programming, the BBC is kindly showing several favorites. However, none of them, not even the next season of Doctor Who, have me as excited as Ashes to Ashes, the Life On Mars spin-off starting February 7. Sure, Sam Tyler is long gone, but if that means we get more Gene Hunt, I won’t be complaining. Any other fans get giddy just watching this teaser? I mean, after you stopped giggling at Ray’s perm.