How are the rest of you doing with this season? Does anyone out there still care at all?

Project Runway Takes a Break

Project Runway, S05 E8: Double 0 Fashion.

Last week on Project Runway: Leanne made car part couture and won. Keith had a gigantic nervous breakdown and lost. I started to wonder if the show had lost it, as well, when it couldn’t even make said breakdown dramatic or interesting in any way. This week, the designers get to work with actual fabric for an actual designer, and I desperately try to find contestants to care about.

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Project Runway Plays The Spy Game

Project Runway, S05 E07: Fashion That Drives You

Last week on Project Runway, Daniel failed to embrace the dragtastic nature of the challenge and was sent home, where he is surely making a high end cocktail dress at this very moment. This week, the designers face a dreaded “innovation” challenge (read: thinly veiled product placement) when they are asked to design outfits from car parts.

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Project Runway Gets Behind The Wheel

Maestro, BBC2’s new celebrity conducting show, is reality TV gone highbrow. And yes, you did read that right. It’s a show in which celebrities (and I use that term relatively loosely) compete against each other to see who is the best at conducting the BBC symphony orchestra. In traditional style, they go up against a panel of expert judges, and every week one contestant is given the boot. The winner of this show will conduct the orchestra on that most British of occasions, the Last Night of the Proms, later this year.

I think it’s safe to say that no other television network in the world could pull this off. Only the BBC can get away with a show that involves David Soul (yes, David Soul, from Starsky and Hutch ) flapping his hands around ineffectually in front of an orchestra playing Adagio for Strings, or Sue Perkins conducting a full symphony orchestra through an extended version of The Simpsons theme tune.

And yet, despite the preposterous premise,  Maestro really works.  I found myself rooting for drum-and-bass star Goldie as he conducted the orchestra through a rousing rendition of the Cavalleria Rusticana, and cringing as cake-decorating sensation Jane Asher just wiggled her hips to Bernstein’s Mambo, forgetting all about her baton. But I actually learned a thing or two as well. I never knew how much difference a conductor can make to an orchestra, and how easily it can all go catastrophically wrong with an ill-timed flick of the wrist.

I have a new-found respect now, both for the professional conductors who make it look so effortless, and for these celebrity contestants, who despite never having done it before, get up every week in front of a professional orchestra, move their arms around, and make music happen. Bless them all for trying.

You can catch Maestro on BBC2 every Tuesday evening, or on the iPlayer any time you fancy it.

I’m A Celebrity, Let Me…Conduct?

Last week on Project Runway: Brooke Shields showed us she’s still hot, and Kelli sadly showed us that she was not by designing a surprisingly tacky dress. This week: it’s a gay old time when PR breaks out the drag queen challenge, complete with special guest Chris March.

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Project Runway Drags It Up

Last week, Korto celebrated the Olympics by stealing a win out from under Terri’s nose, and Jennifer went home, where hopefully there are lots of dictionaries and she can learn what surrealism actually means. This week: the designers get to create an outfit for Brooke Shields to wear on that show I never watch. Plus, they work in pairs, which is always an excellent opportunity to reveal personality defects.

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Project Runway Crawls Through the Jungle

And yet, like all the best dreadful TV, Snog, Marry, Avoid is utterly compelling. I had to keep pausing the show (thank goodness for DVR) to keep track of all the gems these women spouted about their looks – ‘I would rather give up my home than my fake tan’, and ‘It’s not just hair – it’s got a meaning’ being my favourite quotes from the episode I saw.

In my opinion, the women looked better after POD’s treatment. Gemma (who prefers, for reasons best known to herself, to be called Levi) went from a ratty-haired Jodie Kidd wannabee to a classy brunette. And Tamsin (Princess Tamsin, sorry) went from an outfit that consisted entirely of a tutu and a piece of masking tape over her boob to a much more elegant and sophisticated wrap-dress. But it irked me that these transformations were achieved because a silly fake computer forced them into it. Let them wear what they want, POD, you patronising piece of circuitry!

Of course, I should not forget to point out the questionable wisdom of parading these poor women before random men so that judgement could be passed on them. What about the men, after all? Are they so perfect? I thought POD was going to redeem herself (for, of course, POD is voiced by a female - the harshest critics of women are always other women, after all) by singling out the improbably-named Eshan for her special treatment.

Eshan, a young goth man with a crown of hair spikes and eye makeup that made him look like he was weeping pure mascara, seemed like a prime candidate for POD’s scathing and enforced ‘make-under’. But no! POD just praised his unique style and sent him on his way, without even giving any ‘women on the street’ the opportunity to weigh in. I call foul!

Don’t watch Snog, Marry, Avoid. It’s awful telly, and you’ll hate yourself for it. I do.

But, if you simply can’t resist, it is up on the iplayer, and it’s shown regularly on BBC3.

Lowering the Tone with Snog, Marry, Avoid

Last week on Project Runway: the designers were pretty much given free rein with a photo inspiration-based challenge, and Emily felt free to create a really ugly dress. Kenley won, allowing her latent smugness to rise to the surface. This week: hey, did you know the Olympics are coming?

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Project Runway Goes For The Gold

Last week on Project Runway, Wesley’s discovery that short + tight + shiny = cheap earned him a ticket home, while Suede’s insistence on talking about himself in the third person did not automatically disqualify him from winning the challenge. This week, the designers find inspiration in New York City. Also, the judges might be smoking crack.

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Project Runway Looks at the Bright Lights

Last week on Project Runway, Jerry explored the possibility of serial killer chic and was the first one sent packing. This week, the designers must create environmentally responsible dresses for their model clients, and it turns out models really like the color brown.

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Project Runway Paints The Town Green